My instinct was to start out by apologizing to all of you for being absent from this blog and not writing for so long. Did I plan on a break? No. Did I feel good about no longer writing? No. But something in me was holding me back from putting my thoughts onto paper and, whatever it was, continued to hold me for a while. However, I’ve decided starting off with an apology seems silly. That’s life right? And if my message to all of you is to be #livinghonestly, then I too should be living honestly with, not only you, but with myself. And If I am being honest, I needed a break for multiple reasons as well as for no reason at all — and that was where I was for a period of time.
But today, I woke up and for the first time in MONTHS I felt like sharing my life again. I could tell you all the excuses of a rough first trimester in my pregnancy, or that my motivation was lacking, or that my self-esteem about putting myself out there was being put to the test….and that would all be true. But if I’m being truly honest, I just …didn’t feel like it. But today, damnit, today I feel like it because I’m starting a new journey that is making me feel powerful again and motivated again and I’m super excited to share it.
On Friday I signed up for classes that will help me to become a Certified Life Coach (CLC). This has been something on my mind for over a year. This decision weighed heavily on me as it was a lot of money to invest in something and my fears were like little demons in my mind saying “You’re not good enough” and “You can’t handle it” and “You are being selfish in spending money on yourself at this time, especially with a baby coming!” That last one hit me especially hard. Even though the better part of me knew that those demons were little fucking liars, they were winning for a great deal of time.
The truth is, I needed that time to really think about it. It would have been a little easier to say “Yes!” if I were still single, not pregnant, and didn’t already have years of schooling and two higher ed degrees behind me, with a good paying job directly related to my field. The looks I receive when I share my desires to jump off this path tend to be pretty judgemental. But when you respect your partner, your life together, and have a new little life to start taking care of and provide for….the “Yes” to something like this weighs much more heavily on your heart. Your decision to take the first step into something different doesn’t only affect you and, since I’m not an asshole, obviously there were many discussions to be had.
But here we are, aren’t we? All signed up and paid-in-full for my new adventure to take on Life Coaching. When I sat down and thought about all the things I wish for out of a new career the list was short but still seemed too good to be true. It’s the kind of list people view and say “OK girl, get out of dreamland and back to reality.” But what good is other people’s version of “reality” when you, personally, are so miserably disconnected from the what you’re supposed to do path that everyone else seems so eager to run on? Their reality might work for them, but it ain’t working for me and truly hasn’t my whole life. Nothing has really clicked for me about this path of graduating high school, going on to college, getting a good paying job…oh wait…no…get a lot of debt and a degree you can pretty much do nothing with, get a mediocre job that pays shit and move back in with your parents until you decide to figure something else out, go back to school and get a Masters in a more useful degree that will most likely result in a job and pay you decently, but it will take awhile and, oh yeah, more debt…finally graduate, get that job you worked your ass off for and think you figured it out but …oh wait…none of this was ever your dream to begin with. NOTHING about this path has felt right for me.. Dude, that path SUCKS. And maybe it doesn’t suck for everyone, but it does and it has for me.
So today I am sharing my la-la-land, head-up-in-the-clouds, unrealistic dream list with you; the list of what I want out of my life and career, and I dont give a poop if you look at me sideways :). I have a feeling, however, that my #honestapple readers are not the type to dismiss those wild and crazy passionate dreams we all have inside of us….so maybe I don’t have to be so worried about sharing it with all of you.
My list for my Dream Job:
- Work from home
- Travel a lot/can work while I travel
- Make my own schedule/have a flexible schedule
- Help women who WANT to be helped and desire more out of their life and their circumstances and who have a drive to go after what they desire
- Put to use my two current degrees that I spent years and a lot of money getting
- Work for myself/Be my own Boss
- Use social media and my influence to reach women and share my story
Short and sweet and loaded with GEEZ LADY SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECT, TOO-GOOD-TO-BE-TRUE JOB THAT DOESN’T EXIST. Well, guess what, after much research, soul searching, tears, and endless hours of too much thinking, I’ve found out that it actually does exist–in the form of Life Coaching.
So my message to all of you today is not “give up your day job and pursue your dream life without warning and without thought and that my path is better than your path”…No!! …my message today is that sometimes finding yourself means looking at your life and choices and recognizing that you may not be able to live the life everyone else has planned for you. Sometimes when we feel “awoken” to things in this world and in our spirits, we have to trust that our guts, intuition, and dreams come from somewhere. If you have a calling, if somewhere in you a voice is saying “go,” find the time and the way to answer that call. Even if that means taking only ONE SINGLE STEP towards that calling.
No, I am not giving up my day job, and NO I am not dropping everything to be whisked away on this journey, but I AM taking a first step into an unknown and exciting path that feels like the right first step to take to pursue the life I’m dreaming of. My list is My List, whether it scares me to death or not. It contains many of the dreams inside of me that speak to my true needs and wants in a career.
What is your list? I implore you to make one—-and don’t you dare be realistic about it.